Terminal
by allcanadianprophet
Summary: McPriceley angst. Kevin gets sick. Connor realizes he can't live without him in his life.
1. Chapter 1

"Kevin! You ready to go?" Connor McKinley shouted up the stairs to his boyfriend. They were going out to celebrate their first anniversary as a couple since they'd gotten home from Uganda. As Connor adjusted his bow-tie in the mirror, he thought about his plan for the night. They would eat and celebrate themselves for a while, then they would go for a nice romantic walk. Providing all went as planned, Connor would then propose to his boyfriend. He was almost giddy with excitement but he kept it hidden so that Kevin wouldn't suspect anything. He smiled as his soon-to-be fiancé yelled back down to him.

"Yeah, almost, I just-" The words were followed by a loud _thud_ and a groan.

"Kevin, what are you doing?" No response. "Kevin?" Connor was getting worried now. He ran up the stairs into their bedroom and held back a scream. Kevin was unconscious on the ground and it appeared that he wasn't breathing.

"KEVIN!" he shrieked. He quickly ran to him and dropped to his knees next to him. Cradling the brunette's head in his lap, he grabbed his cell phone from his pocket and dialled 911.

"911 emergency dispatch, how may I assist you?" a friendly sounding woman said.

"Umm, my boyfriend is unconscious, I don't think he's breathing and I don't know what to do." Connor felt his eyes prick.

"Okay, sir. Calm down-"

"I can't! What if he's dead or-"

"Sir. Be quiet so I can further instruct you so you can help your... friend," the woman snapped. Connor was silent.

"Alright, first things first. What is your address, so I can send an ambulance on it's way."

"Yeah, of course. 5572 Castleton Avenue. It's got a big oak tree in the front yard."

"Okay, the paramedics should be there in about ten minutes. Until then I want you to unlock and open your front door so they can get in, alright sir?" Connor reluctantly left the room, casting glances back at the man on the floor. He ran down and unlocked the door, throwing it open and running back up the stairs. Suddenly he heard a noise coming from the bedroom. He jumped back in and saw Kevin coughing up blood on the floor.

"Kevin! Kevin, honey, can you hear me?" The younger man nodded and continued coughing. Connor turned his attention back to the woman on the phone.

"Okay, he's conscious again but he's coughing up blood. He can breathe and everything, but I still have his head propped up."

"That's a good sign. Just wait about two more minutes and help should be there soon. Try taking him downstairs, so you're closer to them." Connor nodded and put an arm around Kevin's waist.

"We have to go downstairs, okay babe?" Kevin nodded and smiled at the other man weakly.

"I love you, Con. Just in case-"

"No, Kevin, don't think like that! You're going to be fine, okay?" The young man nodded. They walked down together and Connor could hear people near the front door.

"Hello? Is Connor McKinley in there?" a man yelled inside the door. Connor sighed in relief.

"Yes! We're just at the stairs!" A young blonde man came running in with two others, carrying a stretcher and first aid kit between them. They carefully lifted Kevin onto it and put a breathing mask over his perfect, yet pale face. _He looks so small and helpless_, Connor thought sadly. Kevin looked up at him and stretched his hand out to him. Connor grabbed it and brought it to his mouth to kiss it softly. The older man smiled softly, holding the hand to his face.

"Love you, Kevin. So much," he whispered. Kevin nodded and closed his eyes. They brought him out into the ambulance.

"So, how are you related to him?" a young woman paramedic asked him.

"He's my boyfriend." To his surprise, she didn't flinch or recoil in any visible way. She just looked from him and then back to Connor.

"You two make a cute couple. I hope everything works out for you guys," she said kindly and squeezed his shoulder before jumping into the back to help bring the stretcher into the end of the ambulance. Connor jumped up next to him, still holding his hand tightly.

Thus began the longest ride of his life.


	2. Chapter 2

They sat in the back of the ambulance what seemed like an eternity. Connor held Kevin's hand, even though he was sure that he couldn't feel it. Tears were threatening to spill over onto his face. He was rarely this emotional. He'd always just turned it off in these situations. But that was before Kevin price came into his life.

Before his mission, whenever Connor had gotten feelings that he knew were against what Heavenly Father wanted, he would just turn it off – just forget them. But then Elder Price joined their mission and his perspective changed. He realized he didn't want to forget this gorgeous creature that had entered his live – the perfect man that somehow had feelings for _him_. Connor remembered every word, every smile, every touch. He would relive them every night in Hell, but he didn't care. He had something, some_one_ to distract him from the pain and suffering he endured every night. When he finally told Kevin about his feelings, he remembered the brunette being overjoyed and saying he felt the same way. And when they kissed... it was more than Connor could have ever dreamed of.

"Excuse me, sir?" the polite, young woman said. Connor looked up at her. "Is there anyone you want to call? Just to let them know the situation?"

He thought for a moment. Who _could _he call? His parents had all but disowned him and he didn't know _how _Kevin's parents would react. Suddenly he knew.

"Um, yes. May I borrow your phone?" The woman nodded and handed it to him. He quickly dialled a number and waited for the familiar voice at the other end. Luckily, someone picked up after a few seconds.

"HELLO?" Arnold Cunningham had a tendency to be a little louder than necessary. Connor cringed.

"Hey, Arnold! It's Connor."

"OH, hey buddy! Here, I'll put you on speaker with me and Naba," he said a little quieter than before. But not much. Soon he heard Nabalungi's African accent on the other end.

"Oh, hello Connor! How are you?" He ran a hand through his hair. _How do I tell them? _he wondered.

"Well, I've been better."

"What is wrong?" Nabalungi said, sounding very concerned.

"Yeah, Con, you don't sound so good," Arnold chimed in. Connor took a deep breath.

"Well, I'm on my way to the hospital." There was no sound on the other end of the phone. Then Nabalungi spoke.

"Are you okay?"

"Well, it's not me, it's Kevin..." With that, he told them everything, from finding him on the floor to getting into the ambulance. There was silence from all three of the friends. He heard Arnold softly crying.

"M-my be-best friend," he sobbed. Connor heard Nabalungi comforting him quietly. He felt his heart throb for the younger man. Kevin was one of Arnold's only friends and Arnold absolutely adored him. Not that the feeling wasn't mutual – Kevin loved Arnold as well. They had had each other's backs since their mission in Uganda.

"Connor? Are you still there?" Nabalungi whispered.

"Yeah. How's Arnold taking it?"

"Not very good. He had to go compose himself. We'll be at the hospital as soon as possible, okay?"

"Alright, see you guys soon." He hung up and held his head in his hand that wasn't holding Kevin's. The ambulance pulled to a sudden stop.

"We're here! Everybody, move out!" one of the paramedics yelled, jolting Connor out of his thoughts. He waited until someone opened the back doors to get out. Kevin was still unconscious. _He looks... peaceful,_ he thought. _Like he's sleeping._ Suddenly, they were taking Kevin away from him. He ran to catch up as they hurried inside to the emergency wing.

"Wait! I have to stay with him, he's-" A man stopped him from running down the hallway.

"Excuse me sir. Only hospital staff are allowed in this corridor. I'm afraid you'll have to wait out here." He ushered Connor back into the waiting room. He kept looking over his shoulder, expecting to see Kevin, but he didn't.

He wondered if he ever would again.


	3. Chapter 3

Connor tried to distract himself from the thoughts of Kevin in pain that were swirling around his mind, but it was impossible. All he could see was his angel moaning and screaming as pain attacked his body. It was killing Connor, sitting alone in the small waiting room.

"Connor! Connor, you in here?" Arnold cried as he and Nabalungi came racing around a corner. He stood up and strained to smile at them.

"Oh Connor! How are you doing? Any news on Kevin?" Nabalungi asked as she enveloped him in a tight hug.

"Nothing yet, but they said they might be a while, since they had to do a bunch of scans and tests." Connor looked at his friends, so concerned and worried. Then he completely broke down.

"Oh, God, I'm so scared he's gonna die," he sobbed. Arnold grabbed his shoulders and pulled him into a comforting hug.

"Kevin is a strong guy, okay Connor? And he loves you. He's going to make it through this," the curly haired man whispered. Connor nodded, tears wetting his face. Nabalungi looked sympathetically at the two and squeezed his shoulder. Once they had all composed themselves, they sat together, talking quietly about what would happen. Connor let his mind wander back to his boyfriend.

_Heavenly Father... I know it's been a while. I'm sorry about that. But can you please make Kevin better? I... I don't think I can live without him. Thank you, amen._

"Connor McKinley?" A doctor in a white lab coat holding a clipboard was standing in front of the trio. He stood to greet him.

"Yes, that's me. How's Kevin?"

"Well, I'm afraid he's going to have to stay overnight so we can track his vitals. He seems to be fine, but we just need to check his tests and you should be able to take him home in the morning," the man said with an unchanging tone.

"Can we see him? Please?" Arnold asked.

"I guess it couldn't do any harm. I recommend you don't wake him if he's sleeping. He's had a rough few hours – he needs rest." The three nodded and followed him to Kevin's room. As they walked through the halls, Connor tried to think positively. _We can go home tomorrow and have that dinner for our anniversary! We can cuddle up on the couch and watch a movie. Maybe I'll finally get to __propose... _He smiled at the last thought. Ever since he'd met Kevin, he had wanted to marry him. Start a family with him. Grow old with him. Just be with him.

He hoped he wasn't too late.

When they stopped at Kevin's room, the doctor nodded politely and left them to go in alone. Arnold put a hand on Connor's shoulder.

"Do you need to be alone with him for a minute, buddy?" Connor smiled over his shoulder at his friends.

"No. If anything, I need you guys more than ever." They walked in together. The second Connor laid eyes on his boyfriend, the tears sprang back into his eyes. As if they'd ever left.

Kevin was asleep, hooked up to multiple machines that monitored his breathing, heart rate and such. He looked tiny in the large hospital bed.

Connor walked over to him and touched his face. The brunette shifted in his sleep and pressed against the hand, smiling and whispering, "I love you, Connor."

The redhead smiled with teary eyes.

There was still hope.


	4. Chapter 4

The three sat in the hospital room for hours before Kevin even woke up. When he finally did, Connor was close to falling asleep. He had his face on Kevin's hand, which he was somehow still holding.

"Connor?" said a quiet whisper. Connor was sure that it was in his dream.

"Mmm, Kevin," he sighed happily. A vision was forming in his mind. He was finally proposing to his amazing, beautiful boyfriend who eagerly said yes and they kissed. It was perfect.

"Connor, are you even awake?" Someone lifted his chin. Connor sleepily opened his eyes. Once he saw Kevin grinning widely at him, he bolted out of his chair and onto the bed next to him.

"Kevin! You're awake! Oh, you had me so worried! Never, ever do that to me again!" He burrowed his face into the younger man's shoulder as Kevin laughed at him.

"Of course I'm awake! I told you I would make it," he mused as he kissed his boyfriend's forehead. The two cuddled close together, enjoying each other's company once again.

"Well, I'm very glad you did. I've been a complete wreck!" Kevin laughed again.

"I can imagine, hun!" Seeing Connor's mock hurt expression, the brunette kissed his boyfriend lightly on the lips. "I'd be the same way, babe. Probably worse."

"Mmm, I doubt that," Connor sighed happily.

Arnold and Nabalungi both walked in and squealed in delight.

"KEVIN!" Arnold cried, probably alerting the patients on every other floor of the hospital. Kevin winced at the loud noise, but smiled brightly at him.

"Hey pal!" Arnold ran to him and gave him a bone-crushing hug. After a moment, they drew back from each other and laughed. Nabalungi crossed over to them and kissed Kevin on the cheek.

"It is very nice to see you awake, Elder- I mean, Kevin," she said, blushing. She was still adjusting to calling the three boys by their first names. They all began chattering, asking about each other's lives since they had last seen each other, when a nurse came in.

"Oh, Mr. Price! You're awake now! Excellent. I'll send the doctor with your test results right away." She took some notes then scurried out of the room. Soon, an older woman came into the room with a folder full of Kevin's test results. Connor suddenly felt nervous. He worried about what they would reveal. _What if he's sick? What if he's-_ He looked at Kevin sitting next to him. The young man turned his head and saw the redhead staring. Kevin smiled and squeezed his hand lovingly. They leaned into each other until their heads were pressed together.

"Hello everyone, I'm Dr. Walker. I... I'm afraid I have some bad news. Would you like me to just tell you or should I wait until the rest of your family is here?" Connor looked to Kevin for guidance. Kevin just looked back at the doctor.

"My parents haven't spoken to me since I started seeing my beautiful boyfriend, Connor. So you can tell us now," he said with a sad frown playing on his lips. Connor kissed his cheek and whispered, "I love you."

"Well," the doctor murmured. He cleared his throat. "Anyways, the results. I'm afraid they aren't as good as we had hoped. As we were taking a look at your brain scan, we noticed an irregular lump, so we looked further. We have discovered that it is a tumor. It already too large to remove. We're all very sorry." Connor sat in shock for a moment, then began sobbing hysterically into Kevin's hospital gown. Kevin just sat there, staring at the doctor.

"How long?" he whispered hoarsely. The doctor winced visibly.

"About a month or so. Maybe less. It's hard to tell. I really am sorry," he murmured before leaving the room. Connor tried to compose himself but found it impossible. _Kevin's going to die. He's leaving me. _Which of course made him weep even harder.

So much for hope.


	5. Chapter 5

_A tumor. There's a tumor in my brain. And it's slowly killing me. _

Kevin grabbed hold of Connor and held them both tightly as they cried together. Arnold was silently sobbing into Nabalungi's shoulder, who had tears slowly cascading down her face as well. They sat on the bed with the other couple and they all just looked at each other then back to Kevin. He just stared at his hands.

"Kev?" Connor whispered. Kevin looked up and he looked about ten years older. There was so much sadness in his young, normally cheerful eyes. Arnold sniffled and lay his head on Kevin's legs, crying softly.

"I-I don't want to lose my best friend," he rasped, his voice rough from the heaving sobs. Connor and Nabalungi both rubbed his back while Kevin out a hand on his head.

"Buddy, you'll never lose me. I'm gonna be with you guys, every step of the way. Because... I love you guys more than anything. Hell, you guys are my family. Which is why... I don't want to leave you guys." He broke down into tears again and Connor placed his head on his chest. Kevin sat up again and looked at his friends.

"I want you guys to know that these past few months have been the best of my life. I met my best friend, the most amazing woman and the love of my life. I helped people in Uganda. I got through it, thanks to you guys. You changed my life. I love you all so much," he choked out before breaking down again. Connor held and rubbed his back, murmuring words of comfort in his ear.

"Guys, can you give us a minute?" the older man said to the others. They nodded sympathetically and left, shutting the door with a soft _click_. Connor sat there with his boyfriend for a few moments before clearing his throat. Kevin looked up at him with red eyes. Connor's heart just about broke in half.

"Kevin, honey. I need to say something."

"Go ahead, babe. Anything." Connor took a deep breath.

"Well, Kevin, this was the last thing I was expecting today. I was the last thing I was hoping for too. I can honestly say I don't know what life is like without you anymore. You've helped me overcome so much in my life and I could never thank you enough. You brought the light back into my life. You gave me a reason to live. You've taught me so much over these years together and I hope that I can carry on those things to more people. You amaze me, every single day. Which is why-" He reached down into his coat pocket and knelt onto the ground. He pulled out a small, black velvet ring box and smiled wide despite the tears stains on his face. He opened it to reveal a silver band.

"Kevin Scott Price, I love you with all of my heart. Would you... Would you be engaged to me for the time we still have?" Kevin smiled and began crying again. Connor cocked his head.

"Love, why are you crying?" Kevin laughed.

"Because I'm so happy! Of course I will, get up here!"

Connor stood and leaned over the bed to kiss Kevin. The younger man sighed happily into their kiss, making Connor smile. They stayed like that for a few moments, hoping to make their time together last. When they pulled away, Connor slipped the ring onto Kevin's finger. The brunette grinned and took his hands.

"We'll make these days last, okay, Con? I love you so much," he murmured before kissing the redhead's hands.

Even though there wasn't much time for them left, Connor still smiled.

_We'll make this work._


	6. Chapter 6

Connor fell asleep on a chair next to Kevin's bed a few hours later. However, Kevin was still awake. He was staring at his new ring, the one that symbolized just how much Connor loved him. He looked over at the red haired man fondly. He remembered the reaction of their friends when they said they were engaged. There were no comments on how it wouldn't last long or how they never would actually be married since Kevin was dying – only words of excitement and congratulations. They had squealed and hugged, which was a nice change from all the crying.

Kevin sat and wondered for a moment. Wondered about how much time he had left. Wondered how much time he had left with his friends.

With Connor.

He sighed. He loved Connor more than anything. He would give anything to stay with him, marry him. It was all he wanted, all he had wanted since they first kissed on their mission. Kevin shook his head. _Stay in the present, Price. No time to think about the past,_ he thought.

Just then, Connor stirred, mumbling something about Kevin. The younger man leaned closer to the Irishman, hoping to hear more.

"Mmph, don't go Kevin. I can't... I can't go on without this," he mumbled in his sleep. He went on to moan quietly and then his face contorted in pain. _Hell dream? It can't be._ Connor spoke again.

"Don't touch him! He's miiiiiiiine, Satan."

Kevin sat back up. The sudden movement made Connor wake up momentarily. He looked up at Kevin and smiled. He murmured something in gibberish and put his head on Kevin's hips. The brown-haired boy looked down at him and ran his fingers through the older man's hair, making him shiver. Kevin watched as Connor drifted in and out of sleep. Finally he sat up and rubbed his eyes. He looked at Kevin, who was still looking.

"Hello, love. Ugh, how long was I asleep?"

"A couple hours. Good dreams?" Connor frowned.

"Kevin. I had a Hell dream." His voice was shaking.

"What happened, Con?"

"Well, I lost you. We were here and Satan came and just took you. He said that you belonged to him now. So I started freaking out, trying to stop him, but he just kept sending demons after me. But I got up and ran after you. But... when I got to you, you said that you were glad that you were dying, because you wouldn't have to put up with me anymore. I just... I felt my heart break. It made me realize how much I don't want to lose you." Kevin could see tears forming in his fiancé's eyes. He took his hands and squeezed them tight.

"Honey, that will never, ever happen, okay? I love you so much. I never want to leave you, okay? You're my life – how could I leave my life behind?" Connor nodded dejectedly. Kevin cupped his face in his hands, forcing his head up.

"Hey. Don't doubt me, babe. I'm never wrong, remember?" He grinned, which made Connor smile weakly.

"There's the Connor McKinley I know," Kevin mused happily. He took his lover's face and brought it to his to give him a kiss.

They cuddled up and fell asleep together, with no Hell dreams or nightmares. Only dreams of each other.


	7. Chapter 7

The hospital soon became a home to the four friends. They all spent most of their time there. Connor, having gotten an emergency leave from work, would be there all day with Kevin – usually going through old scrapbooks or journals or just telling stories to each other. But always avoiding the touchy subject of death. None of them wanted to think about it. Not now, at least.

As Connor gazed at his lover, he could see the disease slowly taking its toll on the brunette. His beautiful brown hair was beginning to thin out. He remembered how Kevin had cried when he saw that his hair was losing its beautiful sheen. His smile looked forced more often, as if he had less to be happy about. His eyes showed his true feelings. His sadness. His pain. His fear.

The only thing that made them brighten was Connor. All he had to do was look at Connor and he would just feel... happier. The redhead's beautiful smile and optimistic personality were all Kevin needed. _I remember falling in love with him_, he thought as his mind drifted back to Uganda.

The first day he had arrived, he was clearly very upset. It was Elder Price's first time away from his family, plus all he had wanted was to go to Orlando. Thoughts of Disney and Sea World had cluttered up his mind for the long flight and bus ride. His mission companion, Elder Cunningham had talked endlessly about his life and Star Wars and all sorts of other things that Elder Price wasn't even paying attention to. He just pressed his face against the window until they reached the small village they were to be working in. Elder Cunningham squealed in excitement and rambled on about how incredible their mission would be as they stepped off the bus and into the hot air. That's when the District Leader walked out from the mission building.

That's when everything changed.

From the second Elder McKinley jogged over to him with a giant smile plastered on his face, the young brunette was captivated. He could barely speak when the red-haired man was speaking to the two new missionaries. As he looked Elder McKinley in the eyes, he saw something that excited him – want. His observation was proven even more as he put his hand on the older man's arm. Elder McKinley blushed deep red and dipped his head out of sight. _Yes. Yes, I want you too, Elder, _Kevin thought.

The two flirted shamelessly for a while, not admitting their feelings. Not until after they abandoned the church and created The Book Of Arnold. When they announced that they no longer had to follow most of the rules, Kevin marched over to Elder McKinley and pulled him outside. The older man obliged without protest. Elder Price pushed him against the wall and put his hands on either side of his head, their bodies close but not touching. The older Elder opened his mouth to speak, but the brunette pressed their mouths together roughly, cradling his face. Elder McKinley placed his hands on the other man's hips. When they pulled away, they both smiled.

"I think that was long overdue, Kevin," Elder McKinley whispered.

"I know, Connor. I've wanted to do that for a long time, believe me," Elder Price muttered back. They kissed again, hands roaming and...

"Kevin, honey? Are you okay?" The voice jolted him out of his memories. He saw Connor sitting on the edge of his bed, looking concerned. Kevin just smiled.

"I'm fine. Just perfect, actually."

"What were thinking about?" Connor asked.

"You. When we first met," Kevin said with a wide grin. Connor smiled.

"That was a good time. I knew we'd end up together someday." Kevin rubbed Connor's hand.

"Ew, get a room guys!"Connor laughed and touched Kevin's face. They all giggled for a moment. Kevin's eyes suddenly flew wide open. He clutched his chest and began wheezing. Arnold and Nabalungi ran to the bedside.

"Kevin! Kevin, look at me. You have to stay with me!" Kevin only said three words.

"This is it."


	8. Chapter 8

Connor was an emotional wreck. At Kevin's word, he began sobbing hysterically.

"No! No, Kevin, you can't leave me here. Don't leave me all alone!" Kevin shook his head.

"We both knew this was going to happen, Con." He looked over at Arnold and Nabalungi, who were lingering at his side.

"Arnold, you're the best friend I could have ever asked for. You stuck with me, no matter what. And I love you, pal. Naba, you better take care of him. He's a bit of a handful. I know you're do a great job. I love you too." Kevin tried to chuckle, but ended up coughing more. Nabalungi smiled and nodded, while Arnold collapsed onto Kevin's lap.

"I love y-you, bu-bud," the curly haired man sobbed. The two hugged each other as best they could. Then he turned and looked at Connor.

"Connor. Connor, I love you so much. I can't live without-"

Kevin was silenced by a shrill beeping noise. The three stared at the machine it was coming from. It showed a straight line, with a large '0' next to it. Connor buried his face in Kevin's still chest and wept. The other couple went and rubbed his back, but the older man threw them off in anger.

"NO! He can't be gone, he can't be-" He began shaking his fiancé's body, in hopes that he would wake up.

"Come on Kevin! Come on, wake up already! Wake up-" Connor could barely breath, he was sobbing so violently. He kept shaking him until Arnold dragged him off. The redhead held onto him and cried into his shoulder. The two stood and whimpered for what seemed like an eternity. When they parted, they stared down at the body on the bed. Connor sniffled and felt more tears fall onto his red cheeks. Nabalungi placed a hand on his shoulder.

"He is in a better place, Connor. He is no longer in pain. Just think – maybe he is in his Planet Orlando! He would not want you to be sad, Connor." She pecked his cheek and squeezed his hand. He smiled at her, silently thanking her for her optimism.

"I know, Naba. But... I just miss him, you know?" She and Arnold nodded.

"We miss him too. He was our best friend," Arnold said, his voice still shaky.

"We should go home, Connor. Would you like to stay with us?" Nabalungi asked, still holding his hand.

Connor shook his head. "Nah, I'll be fine." The three exchanged hugs and left Connor alone in the room.

He stared at Kevin, lying still. _He looks so... peaceful._ He went and sat on the bed next to the young brunette. He let his eyes water again, before whispering, "Turn it _off_, Connor."

Connor wiped his eyes with the back of his hand, but stopped when he felt the silver band on his marriage finger touch his face. E closed his and imagined what it would be like to be _married _to Kevin. He imagined walking up the aisle, saying his vows, having their first dance as a married couple, starting a family, growing old together.

"Stop torturing yourself, McKinley," he said aloud. Connor looked down at Kevin for the last time. He slowly bent down and kissed him on the lips.

"Goodbye, love," he whispered and walked out of the room.

Connor walked quickly through the halls, hoping that no one would try and talk to him. Luckily not a soul even noticed him. He practically ran to his car, which Arnold had driven to the hospital so that the older man would have it if he needed to leave for any reason.

He drove in silence, alone with his thoughts of Kevin dancing around in his mind. He cried a little, yelled at himself for being so weak, and then looked around to make sure no one had seen his breakdown. That was the great thing about New York – everyone was so focused on what they had to do, they paid no attention to men who had emotional breakdowns in their cars.

Connor drove up his driveway, staring at his home for a moment before walking inside. He hoped that being home would make him feel better. But his house was just the same as how he felt.

Empty.


	9. Chapter 9

A few weeks passed and Connor was surprised to find that his pain never went away. He still felt an emptiness in his heart whenever he woke up in the morning alone. Every time he rolled over, hoping to see Kevin's face, it was never there.

The weeks were filled with sympathetic phone calls, cards and many flowers. But nothing helped. Nothing could fill the void that was left by Kevin's death.

Eventually, it came time for the funeral. Connor had been dreading this day because he knew that everyone would remind him of why he would miss Kevin so much.

During the entire service, Connor cried shamelessly. People stared but he didn't care. He was just depressed. Every reading and speech just moved him back to tears. After the funeral, people came up and hugged him, attempting at comforting him. He always told them he was fine, feeling bad about lying. But he just wanted them not to worry about him anymore.

They wouldn't have to for long.

As soon as Connor got home, he collapsed on the floor, sobbing violently enough that his body was shaking. He quickly composed himself, knowing he had a mission. He walked up the steps into his bedroom, heading towards the bathroom. Connor opened the medicine cabinet and grabbed the strongest pills he had. He stared at the capsules, wondering about what he was about to do.

"Man up, McKinley. You can do this." He took a deep breath and swallowed about 15 of them. Then he curled up on their bed, clutching a photo of Kevin to his chest. Connor could feel himself growing tired.

"I'm coming, Kevin. I'm coming..."

Connor slipped into blackness, welcoming it. He heard a voice.

"Connor, you came."

Nothing had ever sounded so sweet to Connor's ears.


	10. Chapter 10

Connor ran towards the brunette in a blissful sprint. Kevin smiled and hugged him close.

"Connor... I missed you." The redhead looked up at him with tears in his eyes. He closed the small distance between their lips. It was sweet and tender and passionate – everything Connor needed. When they broke apart, the two lovers smiled at each other. Connor grabbed his fiancé's hands and stroked them softly against his face. Kevin smiled down at him.

The young man looked much healthier in death. His smile was as radiant as the sun. His eyes were shining with a happiness Connor hadn't seen for a long time. To Kevin's delight, his hair was shiny and healthy once more. Connor ran his hands through it, loving the soft feel of it on his fingers. He closed his eyes, basking in his own joy. When he looked back into Kevin's eyes, he saw a strange sadness there.

"What?" Connor whispered. "Are you not happy to see me?"

Kevin just shook his head. "No, I couldn't be happier to see you, babe. It's just... I wish I didn't have to happen this way. With you... doing what you did." Connor pulled away slightly, but Kevin placed his hands on the short man's waist.

"Don't get me wrong, Con. I was dying here without you. But... I never thought you would be the type to do something like that. I love you, baby. I can't even begin to forgive myself for doing that to you," Kevin murmured in his ear, pressing his lips to Connor's forehead. Connor gladly pressed their bodies together, savoring their warmth. Kevin suddenly drew back. When Connor looked at him, confused, he just laughed.

"You have somewhere to be." His laugh turned into an evil cackle, leaving Connor confused and somewhat frightened. With those words, Kevin turned into someone who had made a nightly appearance in Connor's dreams.

_Satan._

"Ahh, Elder McKinley! So nice of you to join us. Did you really think that I would let you slip into Heaven?" Satan laughed again. Connor stared at him in disbelief.

"What? Oh, I understand now! You want to see your beloved Kevin, right? Well, fine, if I must oblige." He snapped a finger, summoning two demons who were each holding one of Kevin's arms. The young man was struggling and trying to fight them off, until he saw a broken down Connor, crying.

"Connor?" The brunette choked out, staring at his former fiancé.

The red-haired man ran to him, ignoring the demons clawing at him. He pushed through them and grabbed Kevin's face, kissing him passionately. Kevin sighed and struggled to touch Connor, ripping his arms away from his captors. Laughing cruelly, Satan ordered the demons to take Connor away, leaving Connor screaming to the younger man how much he loved him. Kevin yelled the same back to him. _This isn't what I wanted! _Connor thought as he lost sight of Kevin. He could feel something inside of him slipping away.

Suddenly, Connor felt a jolt in his chest. Energy surged through him, his eyes opening wide. He was surrounded by white walls and unfamiliar faces. People were prodding him all over his body, their voices jumbling together. It was too loud for his adjusting ears. Someone yelled that he was awake. Connor looked around his new surroundings. He soon realized he was in a hospital room.

"Wh-what happened? Where am I?" he croaked. A doctor snapped his head and looked at him.

"Hello there, Mr. McKinley! You overdosed on some medication and your friends happened to go by your house and found you unconscious. So they called us. Do you remember?" Connor nodded as the visions of his dreams flashed in his brain.

"You may feel quite tired. That would be because we gave some other medication to help you sleep through the night, without any pain. You can rest easy now, sir." He smiled at him, patted his leg and left him alone in the room. Connor pressed his head against the pillows, sighing deeply.

_Kevin's still gone_, he thought with tears pricking his eyes. He closed his eyes, hoping sleep – and heavy drugs – would take away his pain before morning. Just as he was about to fall into a deep sleep, he heard Kevin's voice for the last time.

_I'm always here, love. _

Connor smiled in his drowsy state.

_I know._


End file.
